NIXON AND WALMART: I AM NOT A CROOK

What is the definition of theft?

A) To take something that is not yours;
B) To take something from another who
is in rightful possession of that property.

BIBLE: A
KELLY: B

To steal from a thief is not theft, it is simply
the redistribution of wrongfully possessed property.

Walmart: You own products that came into your
possession as a result of Chinese forced labor,
labor in violation of International Child Labor law
and employment practices in violation of US
Immigration Law. You are in rightful possession of nothing.

It is morally impossible to steal from Walmart.

Let the UPC printers begin.

Journal: Sex, Korean Food 03/30/06

I. KELLY'S GUIDE TO LOVE:
For a person who remembers his sexual encounters based on who was president at the time, I have little to offer by way of true experience in the ways of sex. Face it, if I got laid 2 times while the same man was president, you can assure yourself a re-election occurred. You know that you have a horrible sex life when you consider the word "buffering" on your computer screen as "foreplay."

With that caveat I offer the following 2 opinions. The second is not based on actual knowledge, but an educated guess.

1)
A) Sex before marriage should be mandatory.
B) Sex before love should be forbidden.

2) Once you go Asian, you will never go Caucasian.*

*I am currently seeking copyright protection of that phrase. I feel my sidewalk sales of that slogan in English on one side and Korean on the other would make me a mint.

KELLY'S GUIDE TO KOREAN FOOD:
Had my second "traditional Korean Dish" today. Koreans cook in a unique way that can best be described as honest. American meat, for the most part, is served in a fashion that disguises the fact that something had to die.. Eyeballs, skin, bones and the semblance of a living creature are normally disguised by dividing the meat into "ribs, breast, ground beef, chops...Etc." Chicken is the only exception, and even that is often disguised under breading.

My experience so far is that traditional Korean dishes tend to be a huge bowl with a primal hunk of meet in the middle served in a natural broth with. The dead creature in your bowl is easy to distinguish. The connection between your meal and the thing that died is quite forward.

My first dish was "beef soup." The beef dish was wonderfully tender meat, but they left the skin & fat on the beef. Basically it is piece of cow chopped with a traditional big square "butcher knife." The part of the cow does not really seem to be the issue. My guess is that it is relatively random. The broth was wonderfully unique because we do more skinning. When you remove the outside 2-3 inches of the animal before you cook it, you cut away a part of the meat that has a unique flavor. American food does not have that.

My second dish today was "ginseng Chicken." It is a big bowl of broth with onions, Vegetables and rice. In the middle is a large "Cornish Hen" sized chicken. Nothing remove but head and feathers. It is truly a big dead headless chicken floating in a huge wooden bowl. It was wonderful.

My conclusion is that most American meat is designed to distance people from the reality that the food on their plate was once a living creature with feelings and a desire to live. Our discomfort with that causes us to portion the meat so that our participation in the slaughter is "easier to swallow" (pardon the pun). The butcher in the US serves the same function that corrupt businesses serve the Mafia. Businesses launder money to disguise the fact that the money is the product of crime. Batches launder "meat" to disguise the fact that the meat is the product of death.

Bed time. Peace. KDF

PROOF OF EVOLUTION

IT IS HARD TO FIND THE MISSING LINK WHEN HE IS STILL LIVING.

Teaching Irony by Accident: 03/27/06

I have been working on getting students take a different look at language. I teach the higher level classes so I do not have to worry about "past participles, prepositional phrases, countable nouns" and the basic structure of language.

I use my "advanced degree" as an excuse for not teaching basic grammar. The reality is that I do not know basic grammar. I spent 7th & 8th grade in the hall because my English teacher, Cindy Brockman, was under the mistaken belief that being kicked out of her class was a punishment. Well, the bitch ended up getting me. I tell my students that I speak "cookie dough", not English. Follow me here, this makes perfect sense.

I can go to the store and buy a tube of cookie dough and make cookies, but I couldn't start with flour, sugar, eggs and all of that stuff and make it by heart. Basically I don't know how to speak from scratch. I speak cookie dough, I do not speak flour, sugar, eggs, or butter.

THE IRONY:
Instead of focusing on the grammar of English, I teach about how to use English to convey complex ideas. I consistently tell the students that when speaking about "ideas" they need to think about the RESULT of the words and not get hung up on the need for literal translation. Perfect grammar gets you nowhere if the message you convey to not achieve the RESULT.

To help them understand I play the role of an evil genie. I give them each a wish. I will then grant them their wish, but deny them their results.

*One student wished he could go back to 20. I granted him the wish but denied him all of the knowledge he gained from the age of 20 until now. That defeated the purpose of the wish.

*Another wished she could be the most beautiful woman in the world. I granted her wish, but made her beauty last 1 second.

They started getting the point. I started taking attendance and realized I needed a pen. As a joke to the "I wish" game we were playing, I said "I wish I had a pen." A student gave me a pen. The damn thing was out of ink and didn't work. There was not a dry eye in the room we were laughing so hard.

Now THAT is teaching by example. A lesson in irony.

BRAND NEW 03/27/06

BRAND NEW 03/27/06

Lifting my heel
Moving by feel
Blind with no guide
My dog up & died

Reality found me like Sister Mary's slap
I miss when I could sit in my father's lap

My spirit is lost
I'm in a foreign land
The more I remember
The less I understand

My soul is a mystery, only death tells its fate
My faith has left me, now there's no one to hate
Pray dollar short
Prey a day late

Lifting my head
Books I have read
Blocked my eyes
From horizons wise

Everybody found me, so I ran just to hide
Note to self: Never show your inside

No one really lost me
Just the part they could see
Law did not evict me
It just set me free

Did I run away or did I run to?
I look in the mirror and see the same view
I only wanted
someone see me new

Is that too much to ask for after all I've been through?

Nobody here knows me
I am not lost
Here I am brand new

That's a view
friends and family can't do
That doesn't mean that I still don't love you

QUICK JOURNAL ENTRY: 031906: ACCIDENTAL TAO

Alan Watts is famous for his lectures on Taoism (pronounced Dow' ism for my English friends). I have been using ebooks to educate myself while my hands are busy but my mind is free. Folding laudry, cooking, cleaning are menial tasks. They are also an ideal oppotunity to gain wisdeom. In reality I have seen many who see the two as mutually exclusive. What a waste of time and opportunity.

I listen to Ebook/ Audios all the time. My favorite quote of the day is ralated to Taosim. it states as follows:

Those who say do not know and those who know do not say.

Cool idea. Peace. KDF

JOURNAL MARCH 16: I ACHIEVED MY MUSICAL DREAM

I have been using music to help students with pronunciation and listening skills. I ask them the type of music they like or specific artists and bring in CDs with the lyrics to each song to get them to sing in English.

One student said he like blues with slow piano, violin or a combination. I gave him a CD with a few short samples to see what are to head into for him. I put a song I wrote at the end. I didn't think he would go all the way through the CD and doubted he would notice.

On Friday I asked him which one he chose. He said his favorite was the last one. He wanted the name of the artist. It was my song! I about cried. It saddens me that I am going to have to fail such a good student for insulting Tom that way. (Humble humor).

All I ever wanted was for someone who does not know me to like my music. I love you all, but caring for someone means you must balance honestly and feelings. It hurts when a friend or family member says "you look like you've put on weight." When you are invited to dinner you do not tell the host that you don't like their food.

I don't take it personal. In fact, I don't want false praise. It may affect the direction and quality of my music. I want my music to be genuine and a direct reflection of ME. It sometimes feels that much of my life has been tainted because I lack the maturity to act without calculating likelihood that my action will bring me praise. Kelly the dancing monkey.

Being addicted to a drug (or praise) is like being married to Lorana Bobbit: It may make you feel better, but at some point in the middle of the night it will reach under your covers and cut your dick off. Hazelden was simply an operation necessary to have my penis re-attached.

In reality I have been continuing to write music. I just decided that it would be my own thing. I figured that writing music is like farting; If it your own it never really bothers you. Asking a close friend to give you feedback on a song or poem is like farting and saying, "so, how does that smell?"

I didn't take it personal and you must have the insight not take it personal either. Your polite silence was evidence that you care about my feelings more than yourself. Sacrificing the freedom to express your opinion out of respect of another is not a lie and it is not an insult: It is love. Sometimes the truest love is silent.

Anyway, my writing spirit has been rejuvenate. I only wish I could sleep so that I had the energy to create. Recent life challenges/opportunities have wed me to insomnia and anxiety will forever be a wall I must tear down myself. Once you've been addicted you become Humpty Dumpty. I refuse to get high and climb the wall again. If I make it to the top again and fall, I fear all the king's horses and all the king's men will NEVER be able to put me together again. I don't know if Humpty Dumpty had a penis, but I must face the truth: horses to do not have opposable thumbs and therefore lack the physical dexterity to perform penis attachment surgery.

On that mixed metaphor I am going to go get me some Bacchus-D. Yes, it is a drug - it is like Red Bull. But it only comes in bottles the size of a double shot (so I have to buy boxes of 10....just kidding...kinda).

Love ya.

HEY - I AM OFFICIALLY A MUSICIAN. A COMPLETE STRANGER ASKED ME FOR MORE MUSIC FROM HIS FAVORITE ARTIST ON A CD. THAT CD PITTED ME AGAINST TOM WAITS...AND HE CHOSE ME. HOLY SHIT. ONE DOWN....ABOUT 500 MILLION TO GO.

Peace. KDF
(PS: The song was "Alone Again.") Now that I think about it, Jenny Gulbranson..(sorry Jenny I can't remember your married name) said she liked that one best too. But, she is not a complete stranger. But for all sakes and purposes my fan base has doubled!

Journal 03/11/06 100th Day - Seonja & I calling it a night

Had a mellow celebration of my 100th day. Seonja found this killer jazz club with one of the best sax and drummers I have ever heard. I bought the CD but it is all in Korean. The sax player is basically a jazz scholar and the CD came with a family tree for the wall. Very comprehensive. I think Tom Waits is more jazz than blues so I protest his absence, but in most respects it is very comprehensive. Great evening.

JOURNAL: 030806

VERY DIVERSELY COMPLICATED DAY:

COMPLIMENT #1) I sent in an email to cast University last week. The University is the only program in Seoul that offers a legal degree taught in English. I wanted a list of the books they use. I have decided to write a three phase book on legal English (beginner, intermediate and advanced).

There is not a single program in Seoul that teaches English for people who want to practice law or get a law masters. I would have a monopoly and could pick my school. I told them that since they are the only school that offers such a program that I would like to use their texts so that students wishing to go to Kaist would apply with English skills learned directly from the vocabulary of their texts. I sold it to them as a business proposal and offered to tutor their students for free on weekends if the students would offer to help me learn Korean. I sent my resume and links the hundreds of dockets posted on the internet in Iowa and South Dakota.

Instead of a list I got a call today from a man named Mr. Kim. He is the chair of the legal department. The American equivalent would be contacting a staff member at Harvard asking for list of books and having the Chancellor of the University call you back personally and ask you to have lunch with him. It is so astounding that two people accused me of lying and said that it doesn't work that way. I literally had to show them the incoming call from Kaist University with his name on the ID before they would believe me. They about pissed their pants when I told them he gave me his home number.

I guess it is A HUGE HONOR and thousands of students get turned down every semester trying to get into the school. Meeting the Chair is like meeting the President. I meet him tomorrow for lunch. I am going to try and get a picture of us together.

COMPLIMENT #2) I teach advanced English. There is no higher course available at Pagoda. Only the best students get there. A woman came in today - about 30, fluent in Chinese and an international PR person for a huge semi-conductor company in Seoul. I don't really follow the book, I just use the language points and tease the students with Socratic questioning.

This culture places "face" and the support of virtue as the pinnacle of good citizenship and taste. Absolutism is the perfect trap for the Socratic method.
I ask them questions like what they would do if they were accidentally given a $100 in change when they were supposed to get $10 and noticed immediately. They ALL say they would return it. I then corner them and say "DO YOU BELIEVE THAT RETURNING THE MONEY IS UNCONDITIONALLY THE RIGHT THING TO DO." They all fall for that question and either say "yes" or indignantly say "OF COURSE - THAT IS LIKE STEALING." I love that answer the best.

I then say, what if you notice it only after you get outside the store. They say they would go back in.

I then ask what they would do if they noticed after they got on the subway. They say they would the next time they walked by the store.

I then say what if the store was a news stand between stop 10 and 15, but they don't know which one. Would they stop at each subway stop and check? There is only 1 stand at each stop so this would really only take them about 30 minutes.

At this point they generally concede they would keep the money. I then say, if you know you can find the stand and you have agreed that it is an UNCONDITIONAL TRUTH that returning the money is right, why is time and convenience an issue. UNCONDITIONAL means that you agree that you have the obligation without considering conditions such as time and convenience.

At this point the woman said that I tricked her. I pointed out that I never said anything. All I did was ask questions. That is the Socratic method. I never made her give me an answer. I said I was only trying to see if she gave the answer because she felt the ANSWER was right of if she felt that the RESULT was right.

If she gave the answer because she believed that the RESULT was right, then taking the money at the store immediately is exactly the same as not returning it because it is inconvenient. Consequently, not returning the money was exactly the same as keeping the money if you discovered the mistake in the store.

If she gave the answer because she believe the ANSWER was the right thing to say, but not something she would necessarily do, she might as well just steal it at the store. If inconvenience and time justify not returning the money, then why does your own personal needs or the needs of your family justify keeping the money. It seems to me that having the money to provide support for your children is a much better excuse for keeping the money than convenience. If this is truly the measure of your obligation, in reality you are saying that you would keep the money based on your value of time, but would return the money based on the value of providing support for your family. This means that to you, convenience triggers a moral obligation before concern for your family does. That sounds quite selfish.

THE RESULT: Either A) you were lying or B) you should ALWAYS just keep the extra money since time and convenience are NOT an issue if returning the money is an "UNCONDITIONAL OBLIGATION."

She said: "That hurts my brain."

Another student in the class has been intentionally enrolling in my classes because he likes my teaching style. He said "just listen to him and think. Eventually he will take over your head and you will become insane enough to see he is right."

MY WALLET IS HONORED BY THE FIRST COMPLIMENT.

PERSONALLY I PREFER THE SECOND COMPLIMENT

That means that I value driving people insane more than money. I'm not sure how to do that, but I hope to find a way to do both at the same time.

GREAT FOOD, BUT I KEEP FAILING PEE TESTS

EVERY TIME I EAT HERE I GET THE MUNCHIES!

UHMM, THEY SAID IT, NOT ME!

OBVIOUSLY SOMEONE HAS
NOT BEEN IN ON THE JOKE.

JOURNAL: 030706 I CAN'T EAT THIS

I know that people eat this and live. I have always felt that I could adapt, but I opened this up and the smell literally caused me to lose my lunch. I have put things in my mouth that will go with me to my grave. This will not be one of them. I don't know if these are like to be eaten like chips or dipped in a sauce, but I had to spray cologne and open the windows just to get the smell out of my apartment. WHY...why in the hell would you need this. It was right by peanut butter and jelly. I will fill you in if I find out what the hell this is for, but they are everywhere so I thought that kinda like other things I was afraid to eat: not too pretty to look at, kinda fishy, but not so bad once you got your nose wet. HOWEVER, I CAN'T EAT THIS.

NIETZSCHE: A DAY IN THE LIFE

Nietzsche had few friends by his death. One of the last men to know him recounts how he spent his final days as follows:

The myopic man sits down to a table. Carefully the man with the sensitive stomach considers every item on the menu. For every mistake in his diet upsets his sensitive indigestion and every transgression in his nourishment wreaks havoc with his quivering nerves for days. ... In his apartment, a tray of innumerable bottles and jars and potions (which serve) above all as the dreadful sedatives against his insomnia. A frightful arsenal of poisons and drugs is the only promise of help to the empty silence in his strange room in which he never rests except in brief and artificially conquered sleep. For hours he sits like this and writes until his eyes burn.

ME AND MY GUITARS 030406

MY CUSTOM MADE PURPLE SNAKESKIN MONSTER WITH GOLD PLATE, PEARL INLAY, POWERED INLAY SUSTAIN "HOT" PICKUP AT THE NECK, SEYMORE DUNCAN AT THE MIDDLE AND LOW NOISE HUMBUCKER AT THE BACK. WIRED WITH 5 CONFIGURATIONS - JUST LIKE JEFF BECK - EXCEPT WITH ADDITION OF ON/OFF ON THE SUSTAIN PICKUP AT THE NECK. IT ALLOWS ME TO GET THAT ZAKK WYLDE SCREAT ON HARMONICS.

SOME MAY SAY THAT "MADE IN KOREA" IS LOW QUALITY. THE IRONY IS THAT "SOLD IN KOREA" IS THE OPPOSITE. THE QUALITY OF GOODS MADE AND SOLD HERE EXCEED THE QUALITY OF ANY KOREAN IMPORT I HAVE BOUGHT. THIS CORT FOR INSTANCE. BUILT IN TUNER/EQUALIZER - A FENDER CLASSIC 4T FISHMAN - COST ME $245 AND PLAYS AS GOOD OR BETTER THAN MY $725 TAKAMINE. IT WAS BORN IN TUNE AND ONLY SEVERE TEMPERATURE OR HUMIDITY CHANGES TAKE IT OUT. OH...CAN YOU TELL THE STRESS OF WORLD TRAVEL IS KILLING ME. THE SAD THING IS THAT YOU ARE SEEING ABOUT 25% OF MY FLOOR SPACE.