TOO OLD TO ROCK & ROLL, TOO YOUNG TO DIE

Hola friends and family,

Where do I begin? I think in my personal intro I noted that I have lapses that basically cause me to fall of the face of the earth. At least I can't be accused of false advertising.

WHERE HAVE I BEEN?
OH, the places I've been, the things I've seen, the shit I don't remember...

SUMMARY OF MAY - AUGUST
* SHIT HIT THE FAN WITH THE KIM'S BECAUSE I REFUSED TO BREAK KOREAN LAW AND WORK WITHOUT A VISA IN MAY

* APRIl: I HUNG OUT TRYING TO GET MY DEPOSIT BACK AND SELL ALL MY SHIT. I GOT ABOUT 30% BACK OUT OF MY $5000 INVESTMENT IN HOUSING. I LOST MY $5000 DEPOSIT, HAD TO PAY $1500 TO GET HOME, ....I LOST MY ENTIRE RETIREMENT FUND AND ENDED UP HOMELESS AND BROKE.

I ENDED UP RUNNING TO JAPAN, BACK TO KOREA, CHINA - HONG KONG AND BELLY FLOPPED IN WISCONSIN. YA...BASICALLY I HAVE BEEN IN A PINBALL MACHINE RUN BY A BLIND MAN (NOT THE "TOMMY" PINBALL WIZARD) SINCE JUNE.

I DON'T BLAME KOREA OR KOREANS. I DON'T THINK I AM NOT QUALIFIED TO SPEAK ABOUT MUCH MORE THAN A POCKET OF KOREAN SOCIETY IN SEOUL. MY SUMMARY IS THAT THE KOREA I SAW HAS TWO PRIMARY FACTIONS:

GROUP #1: THE YOUTH. THEY ARE VERY VERY COOL AND VERY VERY UNAWARE OF THE WORLD OUTSIDE OF THEIR BORDERS. THEY ARE VAGUELY AWARE OF THE WORLD WITHIN. THEY HAVE A DEDICATION TO EDUCATION, ENGLISH, CAREER, WORK AND SUCCESS THAT MAKES IT DIFFICULT FOR ME TO HONESTLY SAY I'VE EVER HAD A HARD JOB BESIDES ROOFING AND WORKING IN THE CORN AND BEAN FIELDS.

THERE IS A DEFINITE SENSE OF DISENFRANCHISEMENT AMONGST THE KOREANS I MET. AS A POPULOUS, PEOPLE CAN DEAL WITH BEING DISENFRANCHISED IN TWO PRIMARY WAYS: #1) POLITICAL AND SOCIAL ORGANIZATION TO CHANGE THE PEOPLE IN POWER. #2) FOCUS ON THE ILLUSIONARY OPPURTUNIES OF INDIVIDUAL FULFILLMENT AND FOCUS ON THE DELUSIONARY PROMISE OF A CLASS, GENDER, FAMILIAL, CRONYISTIC AND STATUS DRIVEN CAPITALISTIC BASED WORK ENVIRONMENT. (I INTENTIONALLY CHOSE DELUSIONARY OVER ILLUSIONARY B/C THE ACCESS TO THE KNOWLEDGE TO MAKE THAT DISTINCTION IS INTENTIONALLY BEING OVERLOOKED. CALL IT A CHRIST LIKE FAITH IN THE OPEN MARKET...SO LONG AS YOU HAVE A CAPITALISTIC GOD LIKE REFERENCE ON YOUR RESUME. SNU, SAMSUNG, KAIST, CRONYISM AND FAMILY ARE GODS.)

MY FEELING IS THAT THE YOUNG KOREANS HAVE CHOSEN THE MYSTERY BEHIND CURTAIN #2.

DESPITE THIS OBSERVATION MY LOVE AND CONCERN FOR THE KOREAN PEOPLE IS GENUINE AND TANGIBLE. I FEEL LIKE A FATHER WATCHING A SON ON HIS FIRST BIKE WITHOUT TRAINING WHEELS. I SEE THE SKINNED KNEES AND KNOW MORE ARE COMING. UNTIL THEY DEVELOP A WORKER BASED POLITICAL MOVEMENT THAT HAS POLITICAL GONADS, I FEEL IT IS APPROPRIATE THAT THE BIKE REMAIN ONE WITHOUT A "SISSY BAR." THE U.N., NOT JUST THE U.S. SHOULD CONTINUE THE FOSTER PARENT ROLE. IT MAKES SENSE BASED ON THE BEAUTIFUL POTENTIAL OF SOUTH KOREA AND HORRIFIC POTENTIAL OF NORTH KOREA.

I HAVE NO DOUBT THAT THEY HAVE THE WILL, INTELLIGENCE AND DRIVE TO WIN THE TOUR DE FRANCE', BUT FOR NOW MOST SEEM APPEASED WITH THEIR STATUS AS A SPOKE IN THE WHEEL. THAT WILL LIKELY CHANGE WITH THE CHILDREN OF THE STUDENTS I MET. I WILL CELEBRATE THAT MOMENT...WITH GRAY HAIR AND MEMORIES BOTH FOND AND PAINFUL.

SUMMARY: THEY TRULY ARE A BEAUTIFULLY NAIVE NATION OF INTRINSICALLY GOOD SOULS.

GROUP #2: THE RICH. SUMMARY: THEY SUCK EVERYWHERE. THEY SUCK WORSE IN KOREA BECAUSE THEIR POWER IS UNCHECKED.

I FEEL THAT KOREANS SHOULD UNITE TO STOP THE SWINGING DOOR BETWEEN POLITICS AND THE THREE BIG MONSTERS: HYUNDAI, LG TELECOM AND THE MOST EMBEDDED PRIVATIZED P0LITICAL MACHINE IN KOREA; SAMSUNG. THEY RIVAL THE POLITICAL MACHINE OF "BOSS TWEED." TO A LARGE EXTENT KOREA IS A PRIVATIZED GOVERNMENT.

JUNE-AUG 2006: I MADE IT BACK TO THE US. UNFORTUNATELY I FOUND THAT PHARMACIES IN HONG KONG HAVE NO RULES. I HAD LOST EVERYTHING I HAD AND LOST MY DIRECTION. I BROKE RULES IN A COUNTRY WHERE THERE ARE NONE. BEAT THAT. I TOOK WHAT I THOUGHT WAS AN EASY OUT. SUFFICE TO SAY THAT IT WORKED OUT THE SAME WAY THAT IT HAS EVERY TIME I HAVE HEADED DOWN THAT ROAD. THOSE CLOSE TO ME WILL UNDERSTAND. SUMMARY: MY GUESS IS THAT MAYBE 5% OF THE POPULATION COULD HAVE SURVIVED MY DECISION PROCESS BETWEEN JUNE AND AUGUST. I WON'T DWELL

HERE AND NOW: I WENT IN FOR A "TUNE UP" AND AM RUNNING ON ALL 12 CYLINDERS (12 MONTHS A YEAR OR A LAMBROGINI CAR ENGINE...YOUR PICK.)

NO IDEA WHAT TO DO FOR NOW. I AM MOTIONING INTO WISCONSIN. I AM LOOKING FOR WORK ANYWHERE THOUGH. I AM NOT COUNTING SALARIES, I AM LOOKING FOR A POSITION THAT FEEDS MY SPIRIT. I TAPPED INTO A VEIN IN KOREA THAT GAVE ME BACK 2 PINTS OF BLOOD FOR EVERY PINT I GAVE. HOWEVER, MY OWN DEMONS AND A WORK SCHEDULE THAT STARTED AT 7AM AND ENDED AT 10PM AND CHANGED EVERY 4 WEEKS WAS TOO MUCH FOR MY OLD FRAME.

SO, NO OFFICIALLY MIA, BUT NEARLY DOA. THIS IS THE 3rd TIME I HAVE HAD A DOCTOR TELL ME I SHOULD BE DEAD. I AM NOT SURE WHETHER TO THINK I HAVE BAD DOCTORS OR BAD HABITS, BUT I AM THINKING THAT IF I WERE AN AUTOMOBILE, I WOULD BE SUBJECT TO A MANDATORY RECALL.

SO, MY FRAME IS IN THE "DAIRY AIR" OF WISCONSIN TODAY. MY ABILITY TO PREDICT WHERE I WILL BE A MONTH FROM NOW IS EQUIVALENT TO ASKING THE WEATHER MAN WHETHER IT WILL RAIN ON 9/11. RAIN IS RELATIVE. I LOVE THE LYRICS FROM THE LAST METALLICA ALBUM AND PARROT THE LYRICS THAT "SOMETIMES IT FEELS LIKE IT ONLY RAINS ON ME." THE PROBLEM IS THAT SOMEWHERE DEEP IN ME IS A STORM CLOUD.

I AM NOT SURE WHAT SEEDS IT, BUT I CAN TELL YOU FOR A FACT AT THIS POINT THAT I AM NOT SURE WHETHER I AM IN THE EYE OF THE HURRICANE OR WHETHER THE STORM HAS PASSED. AS A FACT I CAN SAY THAT MY UMBRELLA IS BY THE DOOR. IT IS A BRIGHT RED MUSTANG THAT CAN HOLD MY LAPTOP, MY GUITARS AND MY SUITS. BETWEEN THE 3 I AM SURE THAT I CAN MAKE IT ANYWHERE A COUPLE TANKS OF GAS WILL TAKE ME. THE ONLY PROBLEM IS THAT I HAVE FOUND A ROAD TO HELL, BUT ONLY A STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN. AS ZAKK WYLDE PUT IT: "OH, YOU CAN'T RIDE, NO YOU CAN'T HIDE, SO LONG AS YOU'RE TOO TOUGH TO DIE. FOREVER HIGH, YOU'LL BE HIGH, YOU'LL BE HIGH, YOU'LL BE HIGH."

IN GENERAL I GUESS I FEEL LIKE EVERY TIME I TAKE A FORK IN THE ROAD I END UP AT THE SAME FUCKING CAULDISAC. IN A PREVIOUS POST I SAID I FELT LIKE I WAS JUMPING FROM SINKING SHIP TO SINKING SHIP. I HAVE COME TO REALIZE THAT LIFE ITSELF IS A SINKING SHIP. NOBODY HAS AN INFINITE LIFE BOAT. THE REALITY IS THAT YOU SIMPLY CANNOT LIVE IN A PLASTIC LIFE BOAT WEARING SHOES WITH SPRINTER SPIKES. EITHER FIND A DIFFERENT BOAT OR CHANGE YOUR SHOES.

ON THAT PHILOSOPHICAL NOTE I GUESS I WILL CALL IT A NIGHT AND KEEP YOU ALL UP TO DATE ON MY PINBALL MACHINE. CURRENT STATUS: ON MY LAST BALL AND JUST A FEW POINTS SHORT OF A NEW GAME. AT LEAST I HAVE MY FLIPPERS WORKING. JUST TRYING NOT TO GET A TILT IN MY RUSH TO GET BACK ON MY FEET...ONCE I DECIDE WHAT KIND OF SHOES I WANT TO WEAR.

PEACE AND LOVE YA'LL. EXPECT THE BLOG TO REMAIN CURRENT FROM HERE. KDF