BLOG BOOK: MY BLOOK: FREE WILL REQUIRES FAITH

THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT. I MUST STATE THIS HONESTLY RIGHT NOW FOR ANYBODY TO UNDERSTAND WHAT I WRITE, PLAY, SAY, PAINT ...

WHAT I CREATE.

KELLY CREATES

THIS BLOG IS A ROUGH DRAFT OF MY AUTO-BIOGRAPHY OR BIOGRAPHY. WHAT IT IS A ROUGH DRAFT OF IS DEPENDING ON WHETHER I END UP SWIMMING OR "DEEP-ENDING."

I CALL THIS BLOG BOOK MY "BLOOK." I OFFICIALLY CLAIM OWNERSHIP OF THE WORD "BLOOK" IF SOMEONE HASN'T BEAT ME TO THAT WORD.

THE FOLLOWING ADMISSIONS ARE MY BELIEFS. BY REASON, I MUST BE BOUND BY REASON. CONSEQUENTLY, I MUST ADMIT THAT I BELIEVE IN FREE WILL. THAT SUCKS BECAUSE I AM AFRAID THAT THIS ADMISSION PUTS ME ON THE SAME SIDE OF THE RIVER AS PEOPLE I THINK ARE IDIOTS. I WILL DO MY BEST TO REASON MY WAY ACROSS THE RIVER TO THE OTHER SIDE. I MAY NOT GET THERE. I WILL WALLOW IN INSANITY, DROWN IN ARROGANCE, GET WASHED DOWN TO THE RIVER TO THE OCEAN WITH BUDDHA....OR FIND DRY LAND. A NEW WORLD. I PROMISE THAT IF I FIND IT I WON'T KILL THE NATIVES THIS TIME.

CHRIST TOLD JOHN TO TAKE HIM TO THE RIVER TO BE BAPTIZED. I COMMEND HIS EFFORT, HOWEVER, I CONSIDER THE FEAR OF ENTERING THE STREAM SOMEWHAT COWARDLY. I WILL NOT AVOID THE CURRENT. SWIMMING BRINGS STRENGTH. I MUST SWIM INTO THE WATER. CHRIST STARTED WITH BAPTISM. I STARTED WITH. EXISTENTIALISM. IT IS A HANDY START, BUT IT IS NOT A LIFE RAFT. IT HELPS YOU FLOAT WHEN YOUR FEET CAN TOUCH BOTTOM, BUT IT IS NOT BUOYANT ENOUGH FOR ME IN DEEP WATER. IT REQUIRES I CARRY THE ENTIRE WEIGHT OF EXISTENCE. A SPIRIT IN SEARCH OF THAT MEANING CAN NOT REASONABLY BE EXPECTED TO BEAR SUCH AN UNFORSEEN WEIGHT.

NIETZSCHE DID NOT FIND NIRVANA NOR DRY LAND. HE DIED WALLOWING IN THE WATERS OF SANITY...I MEAN INSANITY. WELL, HE DIED.

HIS LAST ACT WAS TO HUG AN ABUSED HORSE; A BEAST OF BURDEN PUNISHED WHILE DOING THE DIRTY WORK OF MAN. FOR ME, NIETZSCHE IS A HORSE. HIS BURDEN SADDENS ME. HIS SKELETON IS THE CORAL REEF THAT HAS BROKEN THE CURRENT FOR MANY WHO PRAISE AND DAMN HIM. IT IS FROM THIS VANTAGE POINT THAT MY SWIM TAKES SHELTER. THANKS FOR THE DOCK MAN. THANKS FOR TAKING THE ANCHOR OF GOOD AND EVIL WITH YOU TO YOUR DEPTHS. IS IT TRUE THAT BAD PUSSY IS WHAT DROVE YOU INSANE? IS IT IRONIC THAT A GUY WHO COULD KILL GOD WAS DRIVEN INSANE BY BAD PUSSY? I AM GLAD SIMONE BEAUVIOR WAS AN EXISTENTIALIST AND A FEMINIST; IF IT WEREN'T FOR HER THAT LAST COMMENT MIGHT BE SEEN AS RATHER EVIL.

ADMISSIONS:

I ADMIT I BELIEVE I LIVE IN A UNIVERSE WHERE I AM NOT THE ONLY THING. THIS MAY NOT SOUND LIKE MUCH OF AN ADMISSION, HOWEVER, IF YOU WANT TO TAKE ON THE CHALLENGE OF GIVING DESCARTES A SNUGGY, YOU BETTER START OUT BY ADMITTING THAT YOU ARE A MORAL AND SPIRITUAL ADOLESCENT. I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE STUFF OUTSIDE OF ME IS.

I BELIEVE I HAVE FIVE PRIMARY SENSES. I USE THESE BLUNT TOOLS TO PAINT MY VISION OF THE UNIVERSE ON THE CAVE WALL. HOWEVER, I BELIEVE THAT IN COMPARISON TO THE POTENTIAL OF THE UNIVERSE, MY ABILITY TO PERCEIVE THE WORLD IS MUCH MORE PRIMITIVE THAN A CAVE PAINTING.

I BELIEVE IN IDENTITY, OTHERNESS AND FREE WILL. THESE ARE THE THREE NAILS THAT STICK ME TO WHAT FOUCALT WOULD CALL THE "SPECTACLE" OF THE CRUCIFIX. I WOULD LIKE TO SHARE WHATEVER CREDIT I CAN FOR THIS SPECTACLE THAT CAME WITH MY CHRISTIAN UPBRINGING . BE IT NAIL, NICE OR NEUTRAL, IT IS PART OF THE HUNT THAT I PAINT ON THIS WALL.

I ADMIT THE FOLLOWING:

1) I believe that the best metaphor for describing my identity is to say that an odd number of drives (3 or more) control my voluntary behavior.

2) I believe that my reason operates as a democracy and that my voluntary behavior is the result of a majority vote my internal drives. I call this free will.

2) I believe that the best metaphor for describing my instinct is that I have a genetic predisposition that is possibly involuntary. I absolutely believe that what I define as instinct influences the drives which via for control of my behavior.

3) I believe my instinct has the ability to veto the majority vote of the drives. I believe that I am susceptible to involuntary behavior. I believe that this could happen under circumstances that would reasonably cause others to believe my behavior was voluntary.

Finally, I believe the same thing about you.

Peace. KDF